my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
