I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
