I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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