i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
4 words: hood of his car
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize