Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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