We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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