I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
