grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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