Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
