K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
