Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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