its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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