yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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