So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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