I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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