I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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