do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
