I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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