I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
