come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
