you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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