i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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