I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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