The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
