you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
