garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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