pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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