party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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