bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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