No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
