I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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