Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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