And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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