Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
