he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize