My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
i out mim tonsoeep
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
