we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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