i would punch a child for taco bell
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
