no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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