I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
