a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize