last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
