i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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