i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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