Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
