It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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