I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
