we made out on top of his cat.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
