How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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