at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
