Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize