I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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