the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
