i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
How's work?
Spinning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize