My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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