i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
