I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
