That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
organizing the empties. That sober.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
