PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
