My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
