My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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