Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
