We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
