They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
