I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
