i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
