Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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