Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
