I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
