I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
