if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
