so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
