I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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