either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
