Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
