two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
