I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
