we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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