The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You ate ashes out of my bong
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
