i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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