Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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