Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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