yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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