hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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