my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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