Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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