Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
