why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
