My friends, they love my intelligence
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
