can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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