Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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