Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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