I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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