Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
