I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
