Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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