were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
PANTIES FOUND
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