he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
