Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize