watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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