You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
