I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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