i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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