You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
