i wish starbucks made bloody marys
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Two words: nipple clamps
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