I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
