dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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