I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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