I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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