Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
