Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
