I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
