i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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