We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
