When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
