I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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