So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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