i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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