This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize