imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Drunk is a universal language darling
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
