I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
